Business for Happiness 1 of 9: There is no “other side”

Negations are often depicted as contests of will and cunning between opposing sides.  That’s not what makes me happy.  When I do it, we are all on the same side working a puzzle. The challenge is to discover if a deal exists that makes all of us happy and, if so, what does it look like exactly.  It’s not a game of chicken; it’s a game of creativity and communication.  That’s much more fun and productive.  I really try to constantly “hold everyone in the light,” a Quaker saying meaning a genuine concern and wish for their wellbeing.

In the negations to form Green Filing, my future partner said, “I’m starting to think we can’t make a deal. You make good points about assuming more than half the risks and bringing more than half the value, but I’m realizing that I won’t be happy with less than half.  I don’t want to feel like I’m working for someone else.”  That seems like an impasse, but it was actually the breakthrough.  That statement accomplished several things:

1. It demonstrated self-awareness, openness and insight, rare and valuable things. I wanted the person who could say that on my team.
2. It allowed me to reinterpret some things that were said earlier that had irked me.
3. It showed us both some important attributes of what a deal would have to look like, snapping a few pieces of the puzzle in place.

What was left to do is to apply creativity to square that circle.  One of the advantages of business relationships over other types of relationships is that it is not considered rude to inject some current or future cash to get over obstacles.  Long story short, it’s been eight years and we’re both happy.

One critical component is to establish early that you are not going to make a deal that doesn’t make you happy as well.  Seems obvious, but it can’t be taken for granted.  An important event in this most recent negotiation happened a couple months before it started.  This company approached us for a temporary, stop-gap solution and we politely turned them down.  Also, during this negotiation they kept pushing for us to produce more detail about how we were going to solve some problems.  We had to be firm about what crossed the line into design.  Design work is real work, which happens after a deal is signed.  None of this needs any acrimony of sense of threat. The happiness has to be mutual.

Instead of lists of demands, I chose to see information about how to make them happy, important puzzle pieces to be thankful for.  That shift in mindset takes a lot of the stress out.

PS. I never lie and very rarely withhold information.  More honesty leads to less stress and more happiness.

PPS.  I’m making this sound easier than it is.  I’m currently in negotiations with a friend.  She is raising money for a significant project.  I believe in her and want to help fund the project.  As you can see the sides are not far apart, this is about as easy as they come.  The deal is not yet finalized.

Up Next: 2/9: Aim for Second Best